Saturday, December 28, 2013

may your days be merry & bright

December has come and gone so fast. Isn't it still November? Seriously, I blinked and it was gone. Which is unfortunate, because I didn't get to do a lot of Decembery things I like to do; like drive around and find the most trashy, horrible Christmas lights. (Sadly, this really is a favorite thing of mine to do).
I love Christmas time, and each year it seems that it just passes even more quickly. I might have to start my December-fun list in November. Luckily, my job is better than your's and I am on Winter break until the week after New Year's. It is definitely much needed. I need time off to miss my students, that way I won't want to scream when I go back to work.

Now time for some New Year's Eve partying, 2013 life reflections, and 2014 plan-making.

>> december, 2013; via instagram <<

snow//icicles of death//
wandering around the SLC

annual friendsmas party//
Classic cinematic adventures with team Kris & Kris
we saw White Christmas

absolutely SPOILED by my students
I kinda miss them
super awesome cup from Adri. 

Santa & I go way back 
(seriously, he was my softball coach for like 4 years) 
Once again, Jess Day knows my life

I got this sweet little kitty for Christmas!
Her name is Lucy.
She likes to cuddle when she sleeps
She likes movies
She's a weirdo
and I kinda like her


I hope you all enjoyed your holiday, no matter what you believe in,  and that you were able to spend it with loved ones
I'm grateful that I was able to.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

| t h a n k f u l |

I'm only a week late on the Thanksgiving post.
And I'd say that's pretty dang good considering I blog once every couple months.

Anyway, because of the time of year, I've been reflecting a lot lately on my life and I came to the realization that (for the most part) I'm pretty content with life right now. Which is pretty amazing for me.
I'm starting to see hard work pay off. And for someone who has always hard time with patience and usually wanting instant gratification, it was a big deal for me.

So, here's a lil' list of things that I'm extremely grateful for this year.

1. My Family- the big, mushy part.

I know, I know, everyone just has the best family don't they? But seriously, you guys, mine is the best. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for them. I will also say that not living at home for the last year or so has only made me appreciate them more. I have a great relationship with my parents, I actually consider my siblings to be friends, and I gained a new sister this year.  My family is so incredibly supportive, especially my parents. I can't tell you how much they have helped me and taught me. With out them, I honestly would be lost. Because of my parents, I feel like I can pretty much do anything I set my mind to and I know that I can always go them when I need it.


2. Friends-
the TV show.

seriously, the TV show.

Okay, I'm kidding.

 If I believed in soul mates,
 I wouldn't believe it to be  romantic or a man that I'd marry and be with forever, 
I'd believe it to be this girl
These loves. Miss you, Scotty.
The fantastic foursome. 
These girls are mine and Adri's other half. 
They've helped us survive the SLC move and made it amazing.
Any friends who will take a BMW pic are friends you keep.
These girls have been with me since the beginning.

I have many wonderful people in my life.  I have made some wonderful friends this year, and I still cherish the friendships I've had for years. It's amazing how people can influence your life. Just knowing that someone else cares for you, likes the sames things as you, and laughs at the same things as you, it makes life a lot easier.


3. My Job & my kids-sorry, my students

When I say that I've seen my hard work pay off, this is what I mean. After 5 years of schooling that I didn't think would end, many tears, and having worked the hardest I EVER have in my entire life, I finally see the pay off.
I got my teaching degree and a job that I love.  I don't know how I feel about things being "meant to be," or "fate," but I absolutely, 100%, for the first time ever, can say that I feel like I am supposed to be at this school. Maybe it's just good luck and I happened to find a great fit for me, but I feel like I belong there. My principal has told me the same thing.

I know I said that I worked my ass off and school was hard, but NOTHING prepared me for actually getting out there and having my own class and teaching. NOTHING. The last 3 and a half months has been the most emotionally and mentally exhausting, absolute, hardest months of my life. I can't count the times I have wanted to quit. Or how many times I've cried on the way home (or during lunch and recess). Teaching is a time consuming and life consuming profession. It is also extremely rewarding. I have troubled students. I have a hard class. Every single day is a struggle. I have 30 little people that I care for and am responsible for everyday. Sometimes I want to hug them, sometimes not so much. But I wouldn't trade them for the world.
How can I complain when I can say I like my job and actually feel like I'm doing something worthwhile?


I finally feel like things are paying off. I can afford things like a new car. I can provide for myself. I can FINALLY plan trips I have always wanted to take. I can go on all the adventures I want.
For someone who typically has a more cynical outlook on life, who struggles with depression and anxiety on a daily basis, and who has had years from hell... to feel this way about my life is extremely incredible. I'm going to do my best to not take it for granted.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

I've kind of always had a plan. Or at least a general life-outline.
Go to college.
Get a job.
Move out of Utah County.

So I had a pretty basic 5-year plan when I started college, it made life a bit easier for me if it was set out in front of me. My decisions were made, now this is what I had to do. I always had a vision, an end goal.
 If you know me at all, I tend to be a planner. I like knowing what's going to happen next or having something to work towards. Once I've checked off one thing, I move to the next.

See, I never added anything to that plan after graduating college. School was my biggest obstacle, my biggest focus, and it was hard to see anything past that for 5 years. After I graduated, I focused most of my time and energy on finding a job. What good was that degree I worked so hard on getting if I didn't do anything with it?
I finally found a job and put all my time and effort into that. I moved out of Utah County and settled into that part of my life plan.

Lately, I've been like, "well, now what?" 
I realized I have no plan.
I mean, I have these long term dreams that I might work towards one day, like moving out of Utah, but that is in the far distant future.
I don't have a 5 year plan.
I don't even have a 1 year plan.
The most I've got so far is that I'll probably teach at the school I'm at for around 5 years, or at least I hope so.
Right now, nothing is certain in my future. 
It used to be that if I did what I was supposed to, I would graduate college.  That was guaranteed. 
Now, I have absolutely no idea what to plan for or do.
The possibilities are endless, really. Which is both liberating and absolutely terrifying.
The only thing tying me down to anything is my job.  Everything else is up in the air.

But maybe I don't have to have a plan. Maybe I'll just have to live life and make it up as I go and just hope for the best.


"There are so many adventures you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan..." 


October was a busy month. A fun month, but a busy one.
Halloween is my favorite holiday, and there were plenty of Halloween festivities this year.  The only thing I failed at was never watching Hocus Pocus.  I know, how horrible of me.

I also went to my future home, Eugene, Oregon. I didn't take a lot of pictures, but trust me when I say it is absolutely gorgeous. One of my favorite places I've ever been.

Eugene, OR//2013

>>new friend, Sarah, & best friend Sam<<

Halloween fun

|costume #1: flapper girl|

|costume #2: Batman/woman|

Birthday Celebrations

 >>Happy Birthday to this beautiful lady<<

>>frouples unite<<

To finish out October, my car, Penelope, had some struggles and died last weekend. It was a very sad occasion. She has got me where I need to go for the last 5 years.  We've had many trips to St. George & Las Vegas. She also took us to California and back. I'm pretty sure there is still sand wedged in strange places in that car from that trip. My sweet Penelope, you will be missed. 
It seems that my life has decided to fully change and embrace this new chapter, so it was inevitable that my car would go too.  So along with moving to Salt Lake and starting a career, lets add "getting a big girl car" to that list too. (So not looking forward to car payments).
So here is my new baby, she hasn't been named yet, although I think I'm leaning towards calling her Betty White.

Sunday, October 6, 2013


After the week I had, it was really nice to have a pretty chill weekend.
I had a lovely night with best friends on Friday.
I spent some time with family Saturday night and all day today.

I also went for a little hike up one of my favorite canyons. It is probably my favorite place to go during fall.  It's so absolutely beautiful.
I can't help but feel some peace when I'm out in nature, especially during my favorite time of year.

Dear Winter, 

Please be kind and don't skip Fall.  I really need it.  I swear I won't complain when you finally come.
Thank you,


following your dreams is hard.

My best friend of 10 years lives in another state.  We go months, literally months, with out talking.  When we do contact each other, whether its been 2 weeks or 4 months, it feels like nothing has changed.
Like we are still 14 years old, listening to The Killers in our bedroom or watching Moulin Rouge on a Friday night.
Like we still live blocks, not states, away from each other.
Even though we haven't seen each other in over a year, it'll only feel like it's been a few days when I go to visit her next week.

I guess that's how I always thought growing up would be like.

I could move away and have this new, somewhat different life, but things would still be the same. I'd still be the same.

I guess I never anticipated how much things could change.  How even living an hour away from my hometown could be such a big change.

I feel like I'm caught between my childhood and adulthood.  I didn't think that it could feel weird to go back and visit my hometown and have it not necessarily feel like it's where I would call "home" anymore.  But I don't feel like where I am now is necessarily my "home" either.

I didn't think that moving away like I always wanted to and starting a career would make my past feel like this other part of me or that relationships would change or that I would change.

I didn't know I could feel so off-balance and out of place, but also feel so completely free and independent.

Maybe growing up is not necessarily letting your childhood go, maybe it's just knowing that it will always be a part of you and can still be a part of your life, but still allowing yourself to become the person you want to be. Allowing yourself to be who you really are, not someone else's idea of who you are or should be.

Maybe it's just accepting when you make a big change like a move or a career, that a lot of other things are going to change too. And somehow you've just got to find a way to be content with it all.

And realizing that not having all the answers is how it's supposed to be, no matter how hard it is.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Blogging? Ain't nobody got time for that

About once a month I remember, hey I have a blog. It's usually in that random amount of time I have to actually browse Pinterest and Tumblr for more than 15 minutes.
I usually always have something to say about teaching (seeing as how it takes up about 85% of my life) but today I will just leave it to this:

(although I wouldn't call it "problem")

I kid, I kid.  At some point everyday I do love my job.  These are just funny... because they are true.

In other good news, it's freakin' October! My most favorite month ever.  I love fall weather and fall clothes and fall colors.  The world is so pretty in October.  All of the trees changing colors before they die.... and winter comes.... and I slip into a sad, winter depression.... 
Oh, yeah! October! Halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, also happens to be in this glorious month. I've been planning my Halloween costume since November 1. 
October (and some of September) is also when the best TV shows start again. Like Vampire Diaries (I've missed you, Damon), and New Girl. hashtagNick&Jess4ever.
Speaking of New Girl, I recently rewatched the entire 2nd season. 
Let me tell you, Netflix is the greatest thing to have on while grading endless amounts of homework.
New Girl is not only HILARIOUS and super weird in the best possible way, it also has so much wisdom. Seriously. I've learned a lot from it, besides that Nick Miller is the love of my life.
I learned that you should never apologize for being your weird-ass, sing-a-lot, childish self.
Never back-slide (exes are exes for a reason).
You can be a teacher and still go to the bar on the weekends. We are regular people too.
You can be 30 and have no idea what the hell you are doing with your life (but you better figure that shit out quick).
You can also be 30 and single, so suck it, Utah.
Men point their feet to what they want.
The youths will ruin your car.
You can't ever be friends with benefits with out someone wanting more. It's a fact.
If you feel sabotaged by your baby-box, you can't trust anything that comes out of it (why I won't have children).
And, you know, everything on this...

This was sufficiently pointless, have a good day.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Music Monday

So, I've officially started the third week of teaching. I've officially had a real meltdown (along with about 10 little ones). I've officially reconsidered my career choice (for like 5 minutes every other day). Kids are tough, man.
So here's some music to make everyone, especially me, feel a little bit better on an absolutely overwhelming Monday.

Kodaline- "All I Want"

P.S. I really do love my job

Monday, August 5, 2013

as of late...

There's been lots going on in the last couple weeks! I spent most of last week moving from Provo back to my parent's house for a couple of weeks. It's nice to be with my family for a bit, but I definitely miss having my own space!

A couple weeks ago the Twilight Concert Series started up again. It's seriously my favorite thing about summer and this year the lineup is AMAZING. So far I've seen Belle & Sebastian and Blitzen Trapper. Last week was seriously the highlight of my summer... and maybe my life. One of, if not my favorite bands came last Thursday. The National! Let me tell you, it was absolutely amazing. Never have I cried during a concert.

|partial group photo//love these babes|


 |The National doin' their thang. It was perfection|
Along with all that excitement. There is one very important, wonderful, exciting thing that happened to me last week....

I got hired as a 5th grade teacher for the upcoming school year! Finally! After all those interviews and applications I had all but given up. I start in a couple weeks so its been a bit overwhelming trying to prepare, but I am so excited! I'll be starting my career and moving to Salt Lake in a couple weeks. There will be big changes, but I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Music Monday

So, technically it's Tuesday since it's 12:23 a.m. But it doesn't count if I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still Monday. Anyway, some music that I've been listening to a lot this week is the lovely tunes of Gregory Alan Isakov. He's just a lovely lad, with a lovely voice. It's definitely some really chill music, and a little more on the folk side... but it's the kind that touches your soul a little bit. He is also coming to the SLC in September! So there's a lovely concert that I look forward to.

Enjoy :)

Friday, July 12, 2013

A week in instagram photo's

I know that you all would love to read a 1,000 word summary on the goings on around here and 4th of July celebrations, I believe pictures really just do it better. 

  • Last week we went up to Salt Lake to celebrate our dear friend, Kristen's birthday. She's such a lovely lady. I'm even more excited to move to Salt Lake now knowing that we have friends up there :)

  • Trips up the canyon.

  • I had a lovely 4th of July. Spent some time with family, had a barbecue, and celebrated with friends.

  • Bike & long board rides through Provo.

  • And more job interviews. I am so sick of them, can someone please hire me already?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Music Monday

So, I listen to really good music. And I love sharing music too. So, I'm going to share some of my favorite bands and songs every once in a while. It may be a new discovery or an old love. Whatever it is, it'll be good.

One band that I discovered a bit ago and developed an obsession with is Daughter. Seriously amazing. The singer, Elena Tonra, is not only insanely talented, but she is seriously the most adorable thing on the planet. I was able to see Daughter in concert a month or two ago and it was absolutely phenomenal. Their music has this haunting feel to it, along with wonderful lyrics. You just have to listen.

Friday, June 28, 2013

why you're single.

First, read this:

“You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.
You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.
You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.
You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.
You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.
-Why You’re Single by Amanda Crute

So, I stumbled across this on tumblr the other day. I know a few people who need this, myself included, and other people are usually a lot better at putting things into words than I am. You are single because you are single, it really is as simple as that. Yes, maybe the planets need to align before that one guy out of the millions you've met so far will actually be someone special.
My favorite part is when it says to start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for what you don't. My goodness, I think that is my new motto. I should get it tattoo'd somewhere. Just kidding. Kind of...

Monday, June 24, 2013

it speaks to me.

"...But I sold you for a cigarette
does that make you wanna love me less?
And if I don't believe,
What does that mean?
And when I die alone,
Who will eat my soul?"

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

quarter-life crisis

So, as I've mentioned, I just graduated from college. It's a day I never thought would come and I was so excited for it. But no one told me the panic I'd feel once I was done. Nope, it was just "here's your degree. Good job. Now go find your career." So here I am now with a Bachelor's Degree and a teaching license and I've got to start thinking about what I want to do now. 
Finding a job is absolutely stressful. We all know this. And it's especially stressful when it's your CAREER you're trying to find. So I've been looking for a teaching job and so far, no luck. At all. I'm also trying to move to Salt Lake and that's terrifying in itself. I kinda feel like I've just been thrown into this whole new part of my life and I'm just blindly trying to find my way through and hope to god I don't fall flat on my face.

I have dubbed this part of my life to be my quarter-life crisis. Which is a real thing, might I add.

"Your twenties can be a difficult time. It is generally a time of transition, where nothing is fully established. You may have an overwhelming amount of decisions to make but limited opportunities, and you may feel like you are struggling to make it in the 'real world' with the anxieties of careers, relationships and debt." {}

You know how when people go through a mid-life crisis they might buy some crazy new vehicle or go on a huge trip or something? I feel like I'm going through that. Some of my decisions lately have been a bit impulsive, I feel like I'm just trying to create my own identity in a way, or something like that. And maybe it's my way of balancing out my panic and stress to do some things with an "i don't give a shit" attitude.

So first I did this...

Then I was like, "hey let's do that again."

And then, I was like.. Hey, this is a good idea...

So now that I'm tattoo'd and chopped off my hair maybe I'll figure the rest of it out?

I wish it were that easy.